Wednesday, March 16, 2016

I Smile at My C-Section Scar

It spans across my lower belly: a thin line of translucent white, fringed with red, curving slightly upward on either end. It stretches and contracts with the gentle rise and fall of my breathing, widening like a smile.

And I can’t help smiling back.

Because when I look at this scar, I don’t see a flaw.

I see perfection. I see a portal to another world: a place filled with love, life, security—a nourishing utopia, where you formed your perfect little nose, your perfect little cheeks, the perfect little wrinkle between your eyebrows, all ten perfect little fingers, and all ten perfect little toes.

I don’t see deformity.

I see beauty. I see a tattoo that extends all the way to my heart and connects it to yours. I see your soul, your vibrancy, your life—carved into me.

I don’t see the mark of someone who had it “easy,” someone who “didn’t really give birth.” I don’t see inferiority.

I see a literal birthmark. I see the spot where they slit me open while I cried and prayed, hoping that I would hold your tiny living body in my arms when it was over, yearning to feel the warm touch of your skin against mine and the familiar rhythm of your heartbeat against my chest, sensations that I’d grown to know so well internally. I see the mark of quintessential motherhood.

I don’t see weakness.

I see strength. I see the jagged edge of love and fear, protruding from my skin like braille. It says life. It says perseverance. It says you and me—we’ll be together at the end of all this—whatever it takes.

I don’t see failure.

I see triumph. I see a battle scar, marking the ground where we fought—together—when you decided to come 10 weeks early. I see will and determination. I see victory.

I don’t see the cold cut of surgery.

I see the tender swell of life. I see a landmark, a historic site where you breathed your first breath, cried your first cry, opened your eyes to the outside world for the first time. I see the precise latitudinal line of where you went from simply living to being alive. I am forever marked by your coordinates.

I don’t see regret, or the disappointment of having a nontraditional birth. I don’t feel disconnect.

I see a property line, extending to my heart, where you first staked a claim, and where you continue to rule today. I feel the memory of the gentle tug as they lifted you from my body—your grasp on my heart never wavering— and the familiar pull on my heartstrings whenever I picture your fragile, red little body rising to meet me. I remember the warmth of your cheek against my lips, and I feel the unique, undeniable magnetism of a mother’s love. I feel connection.

I don’t see detachment.

I see intimacy. I see a doorway, housing the first chapter of your life, locking in the memory of every kick, every hiccup, every flutter of your tiny, miraculous heart. I see devotion. I see it etched in my skin like a signature on a contract, a promise of love and responsibility. A promise of motherhood.

So I will not be ashamed. I will not be made to feel inadequate. I will not feel insecure or embarrassed.

I will not drape a towel or wrap over my bikini line at the beach. I will not turn away from the mirror when I step out of the shower. I will not cover the mended flesh that brought so much beauty into this world.

I will not mask my pride.

I will not be told that I “had it easy,” or that I “didn’t do any of the work.”

I will not feel weak. I will not feel like less of a woman. I will not feel like less of a mother.

I will not allow the loose, slightly puckered skin surrounding this scar to make me feel ugly. Because it is beautiful, and I am beautiful, and you are beautiful.

I will not feel marred, or “butchered,” or broken.

Because I am whole, and it is this scar that has made me so. It is a poignant paradox, a line marking the spot where I was both ripped apart and put back together; and when I look at it, I will remember the day when you were both taken from and given to me.

And I will be grateful.

Because this scar made me a mom.

© 2015 Samantha Wassel, as first appeared on Mamalode


  1. I was reading some of your content on this website and I conceive this internet site is really informative ! Keep on putting real instagram followers

  2. Thanks for sharing this Post, Keep Updating such topics.


  4. Through university and hospital studies, scientist have discovered a transdermal oil that will penetrate deep down to the dermis layer of skin. get rid of c section scar

  5. Very interesting blog. Alot of blogs I see these days don't really provide anything that I'm interested in, but I'm most definately interested in this one. Just thought that I would post and let you know.

  6. Thanks for writing such a good article, I stumbled onto your blog and read a few post. I like your style of writing
    it was really really nice

  7. Your website is very nice. Its having lots of useful information.

    Bigg Boss Season 11
    Bigg Boss 11 First Episode

  8. I like your post This is really good blog!

  9. Your website is very nice. Its having lots of useful information.Thanks for sharing this Post, Keep Updating such topics.Thanks for sharing this Post, Keep Updating such topics.
    social media updates

  10. Awesome blog. I enjoyed reading your articles.


  11. Awesome blog. I enjoyed reading your articles. This is truly a great read for me. I have bookmarked it and I am looking forward to reading new articles. Keep up the good work.
    whiteboard explainer video companyin india

  12. Hello this blog is awesome i ever find for such a good blog happy to find this.
    cotton filter cloth pp filter cloth

  13. Thanks for the great read, you sure know how to make a great article. You don’t really realize how powerful your article is.Capital vradhhi reviews

  14. Thanks for sharing this post. I get to know about the do’s and don’t’s of blog commenting it must be useful to all of us and definitely, i ll remember all these points while I will comment
    zoid research
    zoid research reviews

  15. Thanks for the great read, you sure know how to make a great article. You don’t really realize how powerful your article is.
    Capital vraddhi
    Capital Vradhhi

  16. A similar dietary pattern known recover deleted files windows 10 as the Dietary Approach to Stop Hypertension (DASH) makes additional recommendations for the reduction of dietary sodium.

  17. I am very happy to discover your post as it will become on top in my collection of favorite blogs to visit.
    Excellent Investing Tips provider
    Commodity trading tips
    Investing Tips provider

  18. this post is very nice and informational. visit our blog

  19. this is very nice post and informational. vist our blogBanquets in Indore

  20. This comment has been removed by the author.

  21. This is very nice post and informational. If you looking for the best auto shipping company so you can ship your car with a rapid auto shipping company. Rapid Auto Shipping.